Maybe this doesn't bother you, but when characters in movies or books or TV shows do stupid things, I just want to throw something at my computer screen in frustration because they can't hear me telling them not to do it. The character inevitably chooses badly, their lives spiral out of control, the bad guy looks like he's about to win, and that's when I start skipping to the end because I can't stand the suspense any longer.
Of course, I have to remind myself that characters don't get all the information that I (the reader/viewer) receive nor have the added scope of an outside perspective and thus cannot make as wise of choices. Yet, as an audience, I wonder, "How in the world could she/he do that???" And then the wonder turns upon itself and quietly suggests to me, "Would you do that?"
Today I read the section in Ephesians about putting on the armor of God. The old, familiar verses I memorized while growing up struck fresh today when I came across this part: "With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one." (Ephesians 6:16). The verse particularly resonated within me in light of the Korean drama I recently started watching, "Faith." (My favorite actor, Lee Min Ho, has the title role...hence why I started watching it).
The underlying theme of the historical drama is, yes, faith. (I should have guessed that from the title...) The good guys are on the new King's side: him, the Queen, captain of the guard (and his men), and the doctor from heaven (...no time to explain that part). The bad guys are on the side of the rich, evil subject Ji Chol: him, his family, and basically everyone else (his bribery and trickery are quite impressive). The King is trying to protect his throne with the help of the captain and doctor while the Ji Chol causes havoc and disunity within the kingdom.
The problem though for the good guys is that they lack unity. None of the characters trust each other enough to wait on any one plan and instead attempt to act on their own, which always ends badly. While the King has a plan, even his Queen refuses to wait because she feels she must do something, and so she secretly sneaks out of the palace to attempt her own mission (and nearly loses her life in the process...DRAMA). The captain of the guard does likewise, trying to enact plans on his own. Instead of helping, he just causes even more problems. The King in frustration responds, "Why won't anyone trust that I have a plan? Do you think I am that pathetic?"
As the drama unfolds, the enemy, Ji Chol, manipulates the people around him, playing on their insecurities and planting seeds of doubt. He twists words and actions to increase their mistrust of the King and each other. Skilled in the art of wordplay, he pounces upon their lack of faith and uses it to pit them one against another. He wins without ever having to step into the battle.
And I keep wringing my pillows hoping the good guys will for once trust what their King has to say and work together. Their faith in him is the only way to victory.
Reading Ephesians today, I was no longer disconnected from the characters, no longer on the outside looking in. How many times have I stopped trusting in others who deserved my trust, and how often do I act foolishly because I don't wait on the Lord? Too many times. Each time I mistrust God, I am telling him He's pathetic...I don't believe His plan for me is wiser and better than my own. And each time I do this, I open myself up to disappointment, hurt, despair, anger, and the consequences of foolish actions. I harm not just myself, but I also endanger or even hurt those around me.
Without faith in our heavenly King, we are lost. When we stop trusting, when we stop waiting, when we begin acting on our own apart from God, we put down our shield and leave ourselves wide open to attack. When does a wise enemy strike? When an army is at its weakest. And when is an army at its weakest? When its soldiers are no longer holding up their shields and weapons, be it from a false sense of security or from the belief that we can do it alone.
As I heard once in a sermon, the way to guard yourself is this: know the word of God; preach the gospel to yourself daily; study your enemies tactics; pray; and walk in godly community and confession. I know this blog talks a lot about continued faith and waiting upon the Lord. It may seem repetitive, but I for one, could use the daily reminder.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Thanks for waiting
One tall, iced caramel macchiato...upgraded to venti and for free. 20 oz. of caffeine that changed a not-so-great day into well, a changed perspective.
Cars are not my forte (as you're probably discovering from this blog). I can change a flat, check my oil, jump a dead battery, and know the tell-tale signs of Corky (my car) burning through all my oil, but beyond that I don't rely upon my own (lack of) expertise. The world of registration and insurance overwhelms me beyond "Pay by this certain date to renew" and thus, moving has completely knocked me off my feet in terms of automobiles. The nightmare of deed of title, out-of-state registration/insurance, and steep fees intimidates me. But I've been trying! Insert Yoda quote here: Do or do not...there is no try. The little Jedi never spoke greater truth. ;)
I bucked up enough courage today to attempt registering my car only to fail miserably. Deciding to move on, I tried another errand only to fail also in that one. Call it the weather, call it lack of sleep, call it frustration, I found myself fighting back tears by 2:00 pm today.
On my way home from the failed outing, Starbucks suckered me in and I found myself trying to keep my emotions in check before getting my coffee from the drive through. I pulled up, prepared to part with 3 bucks and then was told the drink was on the house. It had also been upgraded to a venti with a: "Thanks for waiting." My response was no less than amazed, grateful, and incredulous: "Really?! You just made my day." Poor barista...it must have a been a long, much worse day for him than for me. Perspective check.
As I drove away, I reflected on his words: "Thanks for waiting," and I felt somewhat embarrassed. The embarrassment had nothing to do with the coffee, but it had everything to do with God. In those simple, tired words, I felt God nudging me and gently reprimanding me for my lack of waiting, my lack of trusting.
Psalm 46:10 says: "He says, 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The context of the psalm praises God's faithfulness and power and exhorts us not to fear: He is our refuge and strength. Since moving to Hawaii, God has placed that verse in my heart bringing it to mind constantly. I find myself needing to preach it to myself daily as I feel Him telling me, "Beloved, wait on me. Wait on me, and I will watch over you."
Yet today, I was ashamed at my quick crumbling to fear and frustration. I could hear God's quiet voice asking me, "Why aren't you waiting for me? Have I not been faithful?"
Two days ago, I spent the afternoon with my Uncle who stopped through Hawaii on his way back from Japan. We toured the Japanese temple in my area and stopped to feed the birds. While very used to humans, the little turtle doves, mourning doves, and sparrows aren't fearless. To feed them, one must stand very still, holding up outstretched hands, palm up. So I did this, and then I had to wait. I had to be still and quiet so that the birds would not fear me and after a minute or two, they eventually flew up and landed on my arms. I was thrilled with joy at the softness of their little necks poking my hand for food and the slight scratch of their feet clinging on to my fingers and wrists. I could have fed them all day, enjoying the pureness in their gentleness. But I had to be still. I had to wait. I wanted those little birds to fly immediately to my open arms, but I had to wait in order to experience the delight.
God is asking me to wait on Him. He waited for me with outstretched arms and He asks me to wait so that He can fill my arms with the joy of who He is. And in my heart, my response should always be: "Thank you Lord, for waiting for this impatient me."
Cars are not my forte (as you're probably discovering from this blog). I can change a flat, check my oil, jump a dead battery, and know the tell-tale signs of Corky (my car) burning through all my oil, but beyond that I don't rely upon my own (lack of) expertise. The world of registration and insurance overwhelms me beyond "Pay by this certain date to renew" and thus, moving has completely knocked me off my feet in terms of automobiles. The nightmare of deed of title, out-of-state registration/insurance, and steep fees intimidates me. But I've been trying! Insert Yoda quote here: Do or do not...there is no try. The little Jedi never spoke greater truth. ;)
I bucked up enough courage today to attempt registering my car only to fail miserably. Deciding to move on, I tried another errand only to fail also in that one. Call it the weather, call it lack of sleep, call it frustration, I found myself fighting back tears by 2:00 pm today.
On my way home from the failed outing, Starbucks suckered me in and I found myself trying to keep my emotions in check before getting my coffee from the drive through. I pulled up, prepared to part with 3 bucks and then was told the drink was on the house. It had also been upgraded to a venti with a: "Thanks for waiting." My response was no less than amazed, grateful, and incredulous: "Really?! You just made my day." Poor barista...it must have a been a long, much worse day for him than for me. Perspective check.
As I drove away, I reflected on his words: "Thanks for waiting," and I felt somewhat embarrassed. The embarrassment had nothing to do with the coffee, but it had everything to do with God. In those simple, tired words, I felt God nudging me and gently reprimanding me for my lack of waiting, my lack of trusting.
Psalm 46:10 says: "He says, 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The context of the psalm praises God's faithfulness and power and exhorts us not to fear: He is our refuge and strength. Since moving to Hawaii, God has placed that verse in my heart bringing it to mind constantly. I find myself needing to preach it to myself daily as I feel Him telling me, "Beloved, wait on me. Wait on me, and I will watch over you."
Yet today, I was ashamed at my quick crumbling to fear and frustration. I could hear God's quiet voice asking me, "Why aren't you waiting for me? Have I not been faithful?"
Two days ago, I spent the afternoon with my Uncle who stopped through Hawaii on his way back from Japan. We toured the Japanese temple in my area and stopped to feed the birds. While very used to humans, the little turtle doves, mourning doves, and sparrows aren't fearless. To feed them, one must stand very still, holding up outstretched hands, palm up. So I did this, and then I had to wait. I had to be still and quiet so that the birds would not fear me and after a minute or two, they eventually flew up and landed on my arms. I was thrilled with joy at the softness of their little necks poking my hand for food and the slight scratch of their feet clinging on to my fingers and wrists. I could have fed them all day, enjoying the pureness in their gentleness. But I had to be still. I had to wait. I wanted those little birds to fly immediately to my open arms, but I had to wait in order to experience the delight.
God is asking me to wait on Him. He waited for me with outstretched arms and He asks me to wait so that He can fill my arms with the joy of who He is. And in my heart, my response should always be: "Thank you Lord, for waiting for this impatient me."
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sticky Rice
Unsurprisingly, there have been a few surprises over this past week: someone hit my car, then the car battery died, my bank forgot to tell me they reported my card as "lost," then my car got keyed...things like that. (One particular day felt quite defeating, to say the least).
Today's surprise came when I couldn't find a pumpkin large enough to carve. People keep telling me they are out there, but I went to multiple stores, called a couple others and found none. What happened to Publix's 3 dollar ones or Ralph's 5 dollar ones? Guess I'm not on the mainland anymore! Scratch dinner in a pumpkin.
The other thing that struck me today happened just now, deciding what to be for Halloween. No, I don't still trick or treat, but I think it's fun to be something else for an evening; I'll never really grow out of dress-up. I like gaining new perspectives from seeing the same view at different angles. And on Halloween, you have to dress as something you're not, else it doesn't qualify as a costume.
Even though my plans for tonight include passing out candy, baking something with pumpkin in it and talking to Nate, I still want to dress up! So to the closet I went. And what did I see, but a beautiful Kimono-inspired bathrobe from Japan (compliments to my parents). Costume found!
...Or not. See, recently I saw this meme on the internet saying: "This is not who I am, and this is NOT okay," and then it shows photos of people dressing as different ethnicities for Halloween. Having also moved to a place with a high Japanese demographic, the cultural ambassador in me started backpedaling. Maybe my neighbors would find it offensive seeing as I'm not Japanese and I wouldn't be able to completely reproduce Japanese traditional dress accurately. Obviously, unless you have the wallet to fund exact replicas, a Halloween interpretation might look a tad bit different from history.
What if I dressed Hawaiian? Maybe my neighbors would find it offensive coming from a haole like me (slang for mainlander). Or maybe they would feel complimented that I want to get to know a part of their history, a part of who they were and perhaps still are. Imitation can be the sincerest form of flattery...or mockery.
So here is my conundrum: Do I view Halloween costumes (specifically ethnic ones) as negative stereotyping or as a costume representation of something that exists or existed?
To be on the safe side, I suppose I should just dress as Waldo; I don't think the red-and-striped fellow bears any ill-feelings towards his impersonators over the years. ;)
Today's surprise came when I couldn't find a pumpkin large enough to carve. People keep telling me they are out there, but I went to multiple stores, called a couple others and found none. What happened to Publix's 3 dollar ones or Ralph's 5 dollar ones? Guess I'm not on the mainland anymore! Scratch dinner in a pumpkin.
The other thing that struck me today happened just now, deciding what to be for Halloween. No, I don't still trick or treat, but I think it's fun to be something else for an evening; I'll never really grow out of dress-up. I like gaining new perspectives from seeing the same view at different angles. And on Halloween, you have to dress as something you're not, else it doesn't qualify as a costume.
Even though my plans for tonight include passing out candy, baking something with pumpkin in it and talking to Nate, I still want to dress up! So to the closet I went. And what did I see, but a beautiful Kimono-inspired bathrobe from Japan (compliments to my parents). Costume found!
...Or not. See, recently I saw this meme on the internet saying: "This is not who I am, and this is NOT okay," and then it shows photos of people dressing as different ethnicities for Halloween. Having also moved to a place with a high Japanese demographic, the cultural ambassador in me started backpedaling. Maybe my neighbors would find it offensive seeing as I'm not Japanese and I wouldn't be able to completely reproduce Japanese traditional dress accurately. Obviously, unless you have the wallet to fund exact replicas, a Halloween interpretation might look a tad bit different from history.
What if I dressed Hawaiian? Maybe my neighbors would find it offensive coming from a haole like me (slang for mainlander). Or maybe they would feel complimented that I want to get to know a part of their history, a part of who they were and perhaps still are. Imitation can be the sincerest form of flattery...or mockery.
So here is my conundrum: Do I view Halloween costumes (specifically ethnic ones) as negative stereotyping or as a costume representation of something that exists or existed?
To be on the safe side, I suppose I should just dress as Waldo; I don't think the red-and-striped fellow bears any ill-feelings towards his impersonators over the years. ;)
Monday, October 29, 2012
Everyday Pioneering
Sticky humidity with no air-conditioning. Clothes hanging outside on a line, air-drying. Leftovers warming on the stove, water heating in a kettle. Dishes stacked high, dripping lightly with soapy water. My first week here and I almost think I'm in Korea.
But I'm not there at all; I'm in America, in Hawaii, in my new home.
Now that I have a bedspread, a bookshelf and my bags (mostly) unpacked, I'm able to take a breath and reflect on how changed my life has become in the last week. Well, I should say how it's been changing these last few months as I transitioned from Fulbright Korea to life back in the states to now, a new adventure.
As I catch up with friends post Korea, the question/comment I get the most is: "Wait, where are you right now?" followed by, "You're all over the place!"
I realized I hadn't thought much about this small talk until I had my life-is-changing-like-crazy breakdown and sobbed my heart out to my mom as I paced the living room and she calmly stood behind the kitchen counter two weeks ago. In that moment, I was suddenly faced with the very real and vulnerable question of, "Where am I right now?" built out of other questions...where have I been and where am I going?
Yes. Korea was a grand adventure, full of more frontiers than I could have imagined and in moving to Hawaii, I've accepted a new adventure. However, the title of this blog reflects two beliefs of mine. The first is that I believe every day brings with it an invitation to new landscapes and new players. The second is that pioneering can be so ordinary that it seems everyday and commonplace. Like the movie UP! quote, "Adventure is out there!"...in all shapes, sizes, and lengths. Every day challenges me be it moving across the country, searching for a new job, or being that awkward person who sat right next to you in church instead of leaving a space.
While I'm convinced my family would have destroyed the Oregon Trail had we been born back then, I know that God is still placing frontiers in front of us to be uncovered, studied, and recorded. His consistency is highlighted against the inconsistency that comes with change.
So while I know where I've been, have a hint of where I'm going, and am at times, insecure of the where I am now, I am convicted that when God calls you to go, it's time to pack up, start walking, and watch Him move you through. Trust can be the biggest frontier of all.
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